Equanimity How to Stay Calm in Chaos
Manda Greasley • 5 November 2020
How to stay calm in Chaos
Contents:
What is FEAR
Your Circle of Concern
Identify your emotions
Two Free
Classes below
I woke up on day one of lockdown #2, feeling unexpectedly energised.
Instead of feeling tired and deflated, I felt O.K which came as a bit of a surprise.
Last night as a class we changed our thinking. From a negative thought to a positive one. I changed my thinking form feelings of ‘Exhaustion’ to feeling ‘Energised’ … just by noticing my body and emotions and changing my thoughts. An hours worth of Yoga postures was just what the doctor ordered along with an early night - but we know that now don't we!
Here's a thing ...
Our brain can’t tell the difference between the truth and a lie. Hence why positive Mantras or Self affirmations are so useful during our practice. 'I feel energised'.
So today, I continued to tell myself ‘I feel Energised'.
What are your thoughts right now? What is your body telling you? What emotions are driving you today? If they're positive, keep them - in fact endorse them with even more positive affirmations. If like me you feel or have felt a little down, tired or depleted then think of the opposite of how you feel and energise it up! 'I feel energised'.
I want to spend more time balancing my Yin with my Yang. And I want to help you to do the same. So much so, I’ve enrolled on further online training which I'm going to indulge in over the next couple of weeks. Balancing our Yang with our Yin connects us to life. Look around you. There’s Up and Down and Heavy and Light and Black and White, Rough and Smooth, Loud and Quiet. Yin and Yang are all around us. Finding balance is the essence of being connected to our surroundings and the natural balance of life and living.
I want to share a couple of ‘tools’ to help you, (and remind myself) to feel better about this very challenging time.
‘We are not our thoughts’
This means that we can think things - but our thoughts don’t define who we are. So we can be worried, anxious, frightened and a few other words of your choice to describe this current situation. But those words don’t describe who we are. Just because we’re worried doesn’t make us a worried person. Just because we’re anxious doesn’t make us an anxious person. I’m telling myself with my mantra that I’m energised. That doesn’t make me an energised person. It makes me FEEL energised.
Separating our thoughts from who we are makes us more human. Makes us realise we’re this crazy bat shit bag of thoughts, both good and bad, positive and negative make us who we are.
So if you’re feeling troubled about our situation right now, a better way to think might be ‘I’m currently feeling anxious about X, Y and Z’ but that’s not who I am. It’s just how I feel right now. If I notice my thoughts and give myself time, I can choose to ’let go’. At the same time I can also chose to be more positive, I can chose to be more energised knowing that this isn’t a competition or pressure to be X, Y or Z because underneath we are not our thoughts. We are human beings whose emotions change from day to day - and that’s O.k. That’s normal.
Let me tell you about the acronym F.E.A.R.
It’s true that no-one really knows what’s going to happen with Covid 19. For every scientist that says one thing, there’s another to say something else. Our leaders must choose one theory over another. It could be 100% correct. It may turn out to be 50% or 10% correct… or even it may end up being completely wrong. We have no idea and neither do our leaders other than to trust in someone more knowledgeable then themselves with a theory that they believe in.
It is often written or documented that FEAR is a choice.
FEAR is always in the future. Fear is an opinion. What one person is fearful of, another may not be. So fear is also personal.
This is how fear and its effects has been described to me…
If a wild bear was to show up at our door, we might be afraid that it would come into the house. At that point the bear isn’t in the house but we’re afraid it might enter. Fear is in our future. If the bear enters the house we’re probably then afraid and fearful that it may come into the room that we’re in. Our fear has changed but it’s still in the future. If the bear enters the room, our fear will probably change in that we them become fearful that the bear might come up to us. It might bite or scratch us. Remember it hasn’t yet - fear is still in the future. If the bear did scratch us, our fear would be that the bear might scratch us again and so it goes on. But fear is always in the future.
I hope that describes how as humans we see fear. Fear is personal and always in the future. Whatever it is - it hasn’t happened yet and it relies on the stories we tell it. The acronym of FEAR stands for 'False Evidence Appearing Real'.
We’re in this crazy situation right now and it’s creating a lot of worry, fear and anxiety. We don’t know what the future holds, we only know the stories we’ve created and those we’ve come to believe that others tell us. We can choose to act on those stories or we can step away from them.
If we can allow ourselves to step away from our stories and feelings they conjure up - we can bring ourselves to a neutral and more balanced state.
Stephen Covey passed away in 2012. He is the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and the King of Personal development in my opinion. In is most popular book he asks us to look at our Circle of Concern as a first step to take when being effective. What do we want to put our attention on. He asks, What matters and what doesn’t?
I invite you to draw a circle. Write inside who and what you want to put your attention on in the coming weeks. This is such a simple tool but a great visual to focus your mind on what’s important to you right now.
Be honest!
Here’s what’s in my circle right now
Dean - Husband
Ellie and Seb - children
Their partners
Derek - our dog
Family
A few close friends
My personal home Yoga Practice
Good Food
Training for the next four weeks
Bit of cleaning
Finish my book
Relax
But the Sheddies aren’t on it?
No, not this week. After I’ve shared this I’m focusing on me for one whole week… and I’m asking, suggesting, setting an example hopefully that you might schedule some time in to focus on you.
Look outside, look at the trees. The leaves are falling. It’s natures way of letting the tree rest. The tree naturally creates a balance between growing and resting. Many of us don’t rest until we get a physical or mental warning sign!
I'm inviting you to schedule in your rest. I know many of you are at your desks and kitchen tables, staring at a screen for 9 hours a day with little to no other human contact. You don’t need me to tell you that you need to nurture the needs of your mind and body. It may not come in the form of a ‘holiday’ or break from work but it may come in the form of a Yoga Practice, a run, cycle, walk or Meditation.
Yes you need to make the time.
Better still tell yourself you WANT to make the time.
So - all those things that aren’t in our circle of concern can go - we can let go of them right here and now. Poof - gone! … unless you want to feel guilty that your Auntie Vera didn’t make it or that friend that isn't really your friend. The one who mentally sucks you dry.
When we have boundaries we become more like Warriors and less like Worriers! Knowing where you want to put your attention allows you to focus clearly on what's important to you right now.
Worry - often through not having a circle of concern, causes our biological state or nervous system to go into fight or flight. It makes us want to physically and mentally run away. Mentally we’re then faced with high levels of stress hormones or cortisol. Too much can cause fatigue, mood swings, mental fogginess and muscle weakness.
So we may as well find a better ‘state’ knowing that being in a more positive, relaxed and better state is a good place to be.
Where’s your emotional state right now?
The Happiness Ladder below is often used when coaching someone.
Take a look - it’s really quite interesting… take a peek and come back to here.
At the bottom we have Fear, Grief, Depression, Disempowerment and Despair
At the top we have Love, Joy, Passion, Trust, Enthusiasm, Clarity, Empowerment and Intuition,
Take a look at the different levels. Maybe you can find where you are on the ladder. When I say that I mean today, right now. How do you feel right now? Take a look below.
Now look at the next level above - We don't have to go straight to the top. That could be called Samadhi or Bliss. Instead think about a baby step and raising your emotional state just one step higher? Your Yoga practice will help you.
Why have I shared this image?
Because sometimes we beat ourselves up or self sabotage because we feel angry, impatient or we feel bored. Yet when we look at the ladder we can see that all three are no where near the bottom. You're not as low as you think you are AND you have the awareness and choice to raise your energy, Prana or Chi.
Remember - we’re human. We won’t stay at the top of the ladder each and every day. Life isn’t like that. Remain human, think real.
When I’ve coached someone in the past and they’ve been angry for instance - I’ve known through the power of this tool that I can work with them and their anger. Anger is energy. You need energy to have anger. Anger can be re-directed into something positive. On the other hand disempowerment or despair has little to no energy, creating the awareness, that support, nurture and love is required.
Ask yourself what you need?
I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of work I’ve had to get through and I feel overwhelmed by the need to move the goal posts every time a new rule is created. I’m going to practice my Yoga, Meditate, nurture and love myself and bring my emotional state up to contentment and optimism.
We owe it to ourselves to look after ourselves.
When we’re in a better emotional state it transfers to those we love. The world becomes a better place.
It always starts with self.
Practice Yoga, Meditate, use Mantras, Enjoy Mudras.
See you soon,
Manda
Checklist
- The benefits of the Practice of Yoga helps deal with our emotions.
- Our brains can’t tell the difference between the truth and a lie. Self affirmations or Mantra’s help
- We are human beings who’s emotions change from day to day - and that’s O.k. That’s called normal.
- Staying present and in the moment reduces our feelings of FEAR
- Knowing what and who we want to focus on takes away a lot of our access thoughts or worries
- Identifying our emotional state allows us the opportunity to raise it by one level.
- When we’re in a better emotional state - we transfer it to those we love and care about.
Mxx
What if you feel like you're at the bottom of the ladder? You may need support. You may need company or you may need a conversation with someone. Physical exercise has been proved to change your psychology however sometimes you don't even have the energy for that.
I used to work for Samaritans. You can talk to a very normal person HERE
